Don't be afraid of death

When I was a kid, I was always afraid of death

I remember when I started walking to school on my own

A backpack full of heavy books that I needed for the day and a lunch that my mom made for me

I looked up at the trees and thought about dying

Like those cartoons where death has a sicle and wears a black robe

Is it behind that bush over there?

It was like this thing, a truth about the world, that my small mind couldn't understand

So I feared it and therefore obsessed about it

I pushed it away, pulled it close, pushed it away, caught in neither understanding or accepting it

But rather

Wrestle with it

And it was like that, off and on, for many years

Until one day I got older

I walked towards Griffith park to take a run; I was 41

I realized more than I ever had before that I would most definitely die

And it didn't bother me anymore

I realized that I dealt with with death every day for the last decade and more

Every time I looked in the mirror in bad light

And noticed a new wrinkle or crease

We deal with aging as we go

We do not deal with it all at once when we are old

We deal with our deaths when we are young

As we watch ourselves grow older

As we go about our lives

Life is

A wondrous and crushing place

Yet

We could not have it at all

So that's something

I think about

Time for a run