run run run

my mother got a promotion and a new car with a/c

to replace our little two-door rabbit and old Honda civic

my dad told her behind the closed door of their upstairs bedroom

that he'd really like to drive it

the next day he was driving it to work

years later and many more of these moments later they divorced

I told myself I never wanted to be like my dad

right or wrong, maybe both

but I didn't know how not to become him

as the years rolled on and I became more "me" through every interaction and experience

I became more like him

until I was alone one morning walking to Starbucks to have someone to say hi to in the morning

and realized I had lied and hurt people, some of whom, one in particular, I loved more than any other

I realized that I had put myself above them and been selfish and hurt us both and all and realized I had deserved to be left

and that in many ways I had become just like him because I'd tried to avoid it

so I started to embrace it

and that allowed me finally to begin not to be