the biggest mistake is one we can recover from

i was a sensitive kid with a sensitive father who still as an adult wanted to be or didn't feel loved

my mother was adopted as a child and too wanted to be loved

i wanted to be loved

i grew up aware that they needed love from me

i grew up feeling like love was being pulled out of me rather than given

i felt this way but it was not the truth

yet i grew up believing that was my role, to export love never being fully happy or loved myself, or feeling like the more I tried to love others the more I should be loved but this is not how it really works

because only people who are meant to love you will love you back

going around loving everyone will only leave you hurt

that is, if you love them to be loved

versus loving them without needing anything in return

loving people and needing them to love you in return is not love but it can feel like it and chasing it will lead us to dark places

loving people and not needing them to love you in return is the greatest freedom in life

at 40 i have realized this even though I always knew it

and so with this realization

i start life again

as we do every day