the things we fear

"who is he?" I asked, "the guy who lives next door?"

"he's a lawyer, 40, lives alone," she said, opening the door to the empty apartment unit she was showing that day

I thought about him. My nightmare. 40 and living alone

maybe it reminded me of my divorced mom who now lived alone

I was 24 then

this morning I walked through Venice beach in the early morning as the sun was rising

along the boardwalk to the coffee shop as music played in my ears and homeless people stirred and runners ran and the ferris wheel lit up in the distance on the Santa monica pier with Malibu far in the distance amid the pink colors of the early morning

42 and living alone isn't so bad