the unbearable weight of regret

I remember reading a quote once

: "i'm a man with a lot of regrets but I don't regret having them"

and thinking when I was a kid

: "is there anything sorrier than an old man feeling regretful?"

for what use is it

regret lives so close to rumination

it's like locking yourself in a washer

except you get rinsed by yourself

regret, like rumination, is unhelpful

and really only comes when you'd rather ruminate than learn

or you're out of time in life

in which case it's better to just admit that you messed up and will die

without experiencing certain feelings

or having caused another to feel a certain way

because that is what it all is in the end

just feelings, that we caused and wished we didn't or feelings we wish we experienced but never did

we get so lost in form in this life

because we are so visual

but so much of life is not form, is not visual

it exists somewhere deep in the connections of our minds

interfacing with the outside world

we missed a chance to make a connection

it happens. sometimes, it happens a lot

we are guaranteed nothing

except mistakes

and some small successes

it is our expectations only that we should regret

but never our dreams

and no matter what

never sit with your regret

it is either a lesson or a mistake, depending on how old we are

better to focus on what's next or what was that was right

and push forward into the night