why am I single
I think I started life assuming I wanted to be with someone
but not knowing how
over time I kept trying
but I kept hurting people
hurting feelings, not communicating well, bouncing in and out of this and that
and so decades later I was 42 and still single
and sitting here now writing this i'm not positive that I couldn't have been
maybe that was who I wanted to be?
maybe it's who I could be?
maybe my own pain and problems, maybe I didn't work on them enough or change enough early enough to have a life with someone
maybe when I was a kid I saw my parents divorce in a terrible way and wondered to myself whether I would ever want to spend a life pursuing a relationship only to have it fall apart
and so I never really tried
on some level it was a choice
the easy one maybe
a hard one in its own way