1 min read

why am I single

why am I single
Photo by Taylor Friehl / Unsplash

I think I started life assuming I wanted to be with someone

but not knowing how

over time I kept trying

but I kept hurting people

hurting feelings, not communicating well, bouncing in and out of this and that

and so decades later I was 42 and still single

and sitting here now writing this i'm not positive that I couldn't have been

maybe that was who I wanted to be?

maybe it's who I could be?

maybe my own pain and problems, maybe I didn't work on them enough or change enough early enough to have a life with someone

maybe when I was a kid I saw my parents divorce in a terrible way and wondered to myself whether I would ever want to spend a life pursuing a relationship only to have it fall apart

and so I never really tried

on some level it was a choice

the easy one maybe

a hard one in its own way