yelling at a figment of our father

they are huge presences in our lives

as kids we look up to them in so many ways

in ways that have more fear often than the way we look at our mom's

we see them at the table staring ahead and wonder about the gravity of things on their minds

when one day we learn that what they've been thinking about is leaving our mom

while she is in tears on the couch, he leaves to go look for a new home

we are in our rooms afraid again

and as we grow up maybe we hate him

as teenagers we disown him

in college we drink a lot, party a lot

we yell at him in our minds when we are drunk alone

and the years roll past

and that figure goes six foot one and muscular

to five foot nine and hunched over

and we sit with them over dinner

as we look down at the table